eBay and Ritualistic Sacrifice
by thefourteenthdarkone
Summary: Cobra attempts to convince his and Lucy's nine-year-old daughter that you can get a baby by selling your soul on eBay. Lucy is unamused.


**_Imagine your OTP has adopted a young toddler who wants to know where babies come from. Imagine A is trying to keep the explanation as reasonably PG as possible for a child, while B says something completely ridiculous like "they come from Amazon if you and someone you love sell part of your soul. And maybe Jesus if you ask him really, really hard. But mostly Amazon."_**

 **Drabble for the amazing Dragonhost's birthday! (even though it's really really late oh my god i'm awfulxD) I adapted the prompt a little, but I hope you like it~**

Lucy had dreaded this day, even though she knew, one day, it would have to come. She was well aware of the fact that she was one of _those_ mothers, the ones who wouldn't hesitate to enter their fifteen-year-old in mother/daughter costume contests where the prize was a bag of candy and the rest of the contestant were five-year-old fairies and their beauty pageant moms. However, a part of her still bemoaned the final loss of her child's innocence (though considering she was apart of Fairy Tail, Lucy wasn't sure how much there was left, and was honestly surprised it had lasted this long).

"Mom, where do babies come from?" nine-year-old Kayla asked, tugging on the small silver hoop that pierced her right ear while looking up at her mother. "I heard Angela talking about it and when I asked her she just started cackling hysterically, and I can't have Angela knowing something I don't!"

Angela was Gray and Sorano's thirteen-year-old teenager. Kayla seemed to consider her part of a one-sided rivalry, and so made a point of hanging out wherever the older girl was and retorting everything she said with some snappy response. Angela, therefore, made a point of rubbing each and every bit of knowledge she had by being older in Kayla's face. The fact that she was talking about this particular thing in front of _Lucy's_ child meant that Lucy and Gray were going to have "a talk".

Either way, Kayla was now giving her a very inquisitive look, and Lucy tried for a smile. " _Um,_ well, that's something you don't really need to know right now….."

"But _Angela_ knows it and I _don't,"_ Kayla whined, and Lucy sighed internally. She really needed to stop letting Hapy help babysit Kayla, he had obviously taught her all the tricks to getting Lucy to do whatever she wanted. Damn cat, she'd get him later.

"Well," Lucy began, deciding to go with the classic, timeless, and totally-wouldn't-fool-Kayla version, "when a mommy and daddy love each other very much…."

"They sell part of their souls on eBay and get a baby in return." Cobra interjected, sliding into the kitchen from the front door area. Kayla's eyes widened, and Lucy let out a long-suffering sigh.

" _Erik."_

"What? I'm serious!" he protested, giving her a completely innocent look. "You just go online, make sure you _have_ a soul, and _click!"_ He mimed a clicking motion in the air for emphasis.

"Don't listen to him." Lucy told her daughter, rolling her eyes. "Now, what actually happens is that-"

While Lucy struggled to figure out how to explain without inviting any awkward conversations or follow-up questions, Kayla was much more interested in her father's explanation.

"And what if you _don't_ have a soul?" she questioned, bouncing over to where her father was standing. "How do you get a baby then?"

"Well, you can ask Jesus." Cobra told her very seriously. "Or Satan. Sometimes if you make the proper ritualistic sacrifices they'll listen, but eBay works much better."

"Ritualistic sacrifices?"

"There will be no ritualistic sacrifices in this house!" Lucy interrupted, putting her foot down. "I get enough of this with Natsu trying to teach my daughter how to use curses and summon demons, we are _not_ summoning Satan!"

"I like curses!" Kayla exclaimed happily

Cobra was barely holding in laughter. "What about Jesus?"

"You both are impossible!" Lucy announced, banging her head against the wall. "Kayla, you cannot get babies by selling your soul or summoning anything."

The girl crossed her arms. "Then what do you do?"

Lucy flailed.

Cobra smirked. "Your mother just doesn't want you going and getting your own babies, she thinks you're not responsible enough. Want to prove her wrong?" Kayla looked ecstatic.

"I can get my own siblings!" she declared with great excitement, dragging Cobra outside to draw magic Satan/Jesus-summoning circles. As they passed Lucy, Cobra whispered in her ear, "Tonight we better make sure she gets that sibling, hmm?"

It took a few seconds for that to sink in, and by then Cobra was already out of reach as Lucy's cheeks flushed and she ran out the door, chasing him. " _ERIK!_ "

If Kayla had heard that, Lucy was going to smack him.

 **Review!**


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